Much like my previous blogpost, today`s post was sponsored by a conversation with a male friend of mine concerning marriage, last names, and his strong belief that women should assume hyphenated last names upon tying the knot! Honestly, I had never really thought about it before, but nevertheless, I was greatly intrigued by our conversation and the possibilities that exist for newly-married couples` last names.
Like many girls, I realized that I based a lot of my opinions on marriage from the prominent feminine example in my life -- my mother. My mother was married at 26, dropped the middle name given to her at birth, made her maiden name her new middle name, and assumed my father`s last name as her own -- all without the inclusion of the infamous hyphen. Naturally, I was planning to follow suit someday, giving my daughter the middle name that was given to me at birth, either as a first or a middle name. My conversation with my friend prompted much research, and I had no idea that newlyweds, women AND men alike, had so many options! Admittedly, I am not a fan of all of them, but as an aspiring planner, it is my job to remain open-minded and unbiased.
So, time to spill the juice!
Here are the trending surname options I stumbled upon:
• Option #1_
Both Parties Use the *Husband`s* Family Name .
>> This option is the most common and widely-used/widely accepted name change option in the USA.
[* iNTERESTiNG FACT: ]
"A recent study [April 2011] in the journal Gender and Society conducted a poll on American`s attitudes about women taking their husband`s surname. Fifty percent of those surveyed would support a law requiring women to take their husband`s last name" (Lucas, 2011).
^^ Absolutely crazy, right ?!
• Option #2_
Both Parties Keep Their Own Birth Names .
>> According to my research, this option is most popular if both the Bride and Groom`s last names hold much historical/social/educational significance. (Hyphenating is also a great option for this scenario.)
• Option #3_
Both Parties Use the *Wife`s* Family Name .
>> This newer-age idea is one I found very interesting, and while I do not know of any couples who have personally chosen this route, it does indeed exist! This option could also be useful if the Bride`s last name holds much historical/social/educational significance, especially if this is not the case for the Groom`s last name. This option relies heavily on a strong foundation from both parties, as this idea is not yet very socially-acceptable, and may receive some ridicule from those who aren`t a fan. However, I say -- be a trendsetter!
[* iNTERESTiNG FACTS: ]
Feminist and suffragette Lucy Stone first introduced this idea in the 1850s. While this idea peaked in the 1990s at 23% and hovered around 18% in 2009, a poll conducted earlier this year by TheKnot revealed that today, only 8% of women are choosing to keep their names (Bindley, 2011).
In March 2007, the legislature in the state of California was scheduled to consider a bill "that would allow men to change their surnames upon marriage as seamlessly as women can. Only seven states now allow a mn who wishes to alter his name after his wedding to do so without going through the laborious, frequently expensive legal process set out by the courts for any name change. Women don`t have to do so" (Friess, 2007).
^^ Since this article was published in 2007, I am not currently aware of the updated legal information. However, I found the issue at hand very interesting and wanted to share.
• Option #4_
Wife Uses BOTH Her Birth Name and Husband`s Family Name, By Making Her Maiden Name Her New Middle Name .
>> This is the option my mother chose, and the one that I had always considered (and still am considering), prior to educating myself for this blogpost. Since the Bride who chooses this option is choosing to drop the middle name she was born with entirely, a nice compromise for Brides would be to pass her middle name down to her female offspring as a first or middle name.
• Option #5_
Both Parties Agree to Hyphenate Their Two Names .
>> An option that is gaining more social acceptance and commonality. Again, a great option if both the Bride and Groom`s last names hold much historical/social/educational significance.
[* iNTERESTiNG FACT: ]
"The case for women changing their name lies with the idea of the couple shifting their identities from being two individuals into a collective unit, while the 30 percent of women who would keep their maiden name want to do so out of a desire for maintaining a personal identity. Hyphenation is the happy medium I guess" (Victorian, 2011).
• Option #6_
Both Parties Agree to Choose An Entirely NEW Name .
>> This option TRULY embraces the idea of compromise and merging two lives into one fold the best. It is also one of the most rare options I came across.
* For example: "Laura Lindstrom + Eric Jankstrom = Laura & Eric JANKSTROM" (Bindley, 2011).
• Other Reasons People Consider When Electing An Aforementioned Option_
* Does the Bride/Groom`s last name sound better ? -- Somewhat superficial, I know, but it is true!
* Is the Bride "the last of a dying breed," or the last living family member able to continue the family name ?
* Has the Bride obtained an extensive professional reputation in her career field under her maiden name ? Changing her last name after marrying could make it difficult for her to try to reestablish herself amongst her colleagues .
* A really interesting article by The New York Times provided an argument for those women who prefer to keep their last names after marriage:
"Women who do not take their husbands` last names tend to be "achievers," according to an American Demographics magazine poll. Fewer than five percent of wives who had only a high school education used something other than their husbands` names, compared with fifteen percent of those with bachelor`s degrees and more than 20 percent of those with post-graduate degrees. [Women who do not take their husbands` last names are] getting married later, usually after starting careers, and are eager to preserve work identities along with any credentials earned under birth names" (Pedersen-Peterson, 2007).
• HiSTORiCALLY_
It is actually a common misconception that hyphenating is the default for most couples. In an interesting article I read on YAHOO! News that was published earlier this year, author Stephanie Pappas stated,
"Throughout most of the 1800s and into the 1900s, U.S. common law abided by the doctrine of coverture. Under coverture, a married woman had no rights to her own property or to make contracts in her own name -- nd indeed, she had no right to her own name at all. Her husband took on all legal rights for the couple" (2011).Thus, the tradition of inheriting the Groom`s last name after marrying became ingrained in the fibers of the American wedding culture.
• IN SUMMARY_
Ultimately, the decision is up to the couple. Much thought is put into the naming process, and it is often said that "Children become their namesake." While last names are slightly different, as they are inherited and play heavy roles in the historical stature of the modern family, marriage is about compromise and the formation of a union -- so BOTH parties should work together to come up with a solution that is most comfortable for their bond. Just be sure on which surnames both the Bride and Groom will use legally, professionally, and socially, so everyone is on one accord.
I`d love to hear which of the options I discussed is YOUR favorite! Please,
>> CAST YOUR VOTE HERE! <<
I hope you enjoyed November`s triple feature! See you lovelies again on Thursday, December 1st!
Until then, please comment or Formspring me! Mwahhh (:
http://www.formspring.me/SequinSoirees
Being that I’m the guy who inspired the topic, it would only be right that I give feedback. I really enjoyed the post. However, your second paragraph mentioned I strongly supported women taking on hyphenated last names. I believe I was misquoted lol! That message is not approved!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I figured women who wanted to insert last name via hyphen were on some sort of Feminist power-trip. Your research and the statistics you provided supported part of my assumption. However, the social, historical, and earned credentials with the birth name did not come to mind. I was blinded by my thoughts regarding women with the “I N D E P E N D E N T/ who run the world? Girls!” mindset.
Your blog opened my eyes and helped me realize what my real issue is with all this. When married I do not feel a Woman and Man should have different last names. For example, my last name would be mine and my wife’s would be her last name – my last name. I believe both last names should be the same once married.
Therefore, I definitely support Option #4, the middle name being replaced with the former last name. I particularly like your last name. Admittedly, I initially thought it was pronounced (Mal-er-ie) instead of (Mal-or-ry). Either way Alana Mallory (insert husband’s last name) flows and is a healthy compromise to keeping your last name. This would also alleviate the issue of the husband and wife having different last names.
Additionally, Option #5 and #6 are significant. I never knew these existed as options. Two could show significance as a conjoining of lives by both the Bride and Groom signifying conjoined last names with a hyphen. The option of creating a new last name would support the spunky idea to “…be a trendsetter” (Soriees, 2011).
In summation, BOTH the Bride and Groom should agree on this together selfless of their individual and selfish of the unity. "…changing their name lies with the idea of the couple shifting their identities from being two individuals into a collective unit…” (Victoria, 2011)
Lol thank you so much for your feedback, Mr. Anonymous ! My apologies for the misquote on the hyphen, but I remembered you having strong views about the hyphenated option . Before conducting research for this post, I was unaware of a few of the options, but the biggest personal shockers were #3 & #6 . Without showing my bias, I appreciate your summation, and thank you for complimenting my last name . "Mal-er-ie," however, is the more accurate way to pronounce it (: Happy Wednesday and I hope you will return tomorrow to see what I will blog about next ! Thanks again for your time and for the inspiration .
ReplyDeleteAgain, LET`S HEAR iT FOR THE BOYS :D
<3 Alana | Sequin Soirees